Sunday, May 7, 2017

And not be sad

"But I want to be clear, I’m not trying to be anyone’s savior. I’m just trying to think about the future and not be sad."
"Elon Musk, Ted Talks, 2017

Those words of Elon Musk have been going around and around in my brain this past week since I heard his interview last Friday. Especially the four words 'and not be sad'.

That is what I want. I want to wake up in the morning and not be sad. I want to go to bed at night and not be sad. I want to go through my day and not be sad.

"Oh easy for Leonardo"

**

I am awaiting an appointment at Hope Centre. I am looking at trying some different medications. I am looking to talk to someone. I have a couple of groups I might try.

Today my anxious stomach was in full throttle so I decided rather than taking the orange pill I would go for a walk in the rain - return a book to the library - maybe vote.

I did.
I walked.
I voted.
I returned the book.

The thought of walking home was overwhelming. I thought of calling my husband to come get me.

Then I thought I could just start walking and get him to pick me up somewhere along the route.

Then I thought I could just walk to the bottom of the big hill and get him to pick me up there.

I couldn't imagine how I would get up that hill feeling the way I did.

But then?

Then I started to walk home one foot in front of the other.

I got to the bottom of the hill.

And one foot in front of the other I made it to the top.

I made it home.

One foot in front of the other.

And not be sad?

I am still sad.

But I am home. I did make it to the top of the hill.

One day I will not be sad.

One foot in front of the other.

This post was written May 5, 2017 - Today is a better day. Not the best, but better. One foot in front of the other.


**line from A Child's Christmas in Wales by Dylan Thomas

7 comments:

  1. Good for the perseverance shown! I will listen to his talk, and try to not be sad....
    Now that I loaded up the blue bus pass we will have to do another meet. I wouldn't mind a walk in some old forest (as long as I don't have to walk too far to get there and back) With your wheels, we could do a Lynn trail or Lighthouse Park some sunlit morning

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  2. I'm glad you are looking for someone to talk to. You don't have to walk this walk alone. Great that you did but there's no shame in looking for a helping hand.

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  3. "I did." For me that sentence is the hope in the piece. You did. And you will keep on doing. I hope the folks you go to talk to have an answer so you won't be sad. In the meantime, keep on doing.

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  4. I'm here.
    I'm listening.
    Whenever.

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  5. I am sorry you are feeling sad. I really hope that you can find a way to make it go away. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. I am willing you on.

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  6. I'm glad you voted. So many people in the world don't have a voice or a chance to have a say in anything.
    I'm also glad you made it home despite the obstacles. We are stronger than we think sometimes.

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    Replies
    1. Yes we are stronger than we think. You and me both. And Yes, I voted, but the election is so close they are doing recounts May 22-24 to see who will form the government. A nail biter for sure.

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