Thursday, January 11, 2018

January 11, 1922

Today would have been my Mum's 96th birthday.  She has been gone for almost fourteen years.
Sitting alone in the early morning hours, the sky still dark, the mantel piece lanterns glowing, I find tears slowly rolling down my cheeks.

I am sipping my coffee, reading a book my dear sister gave me.

I think I am missing my mum.

But then I realize I am not so much missing my mum as missing having a mum.

Even at my age, sometimes I wish I could be mothered.

I have good friends, I have best friends, but they are not my mother.

I don't even know what it is I am missing.

There is no-one in my life that is that person I could phone and with life's wisdom could comfort me the same way a mother could.  My mother and father's siblings are all gone.  I am now, with my sisters and brothers and cousins the oldest generation.

We are finding our way with our grown children, nieces and nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews, grand-children.

Finding our way, but still feeling lost on this journey called life.

So ya, today?

Today, I miss my mum.

4 comments:

  1. You just put into words my feelings for the past few days. Thank you. Hugs my friends.

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  2. I understand. My mother has been gone from this earth since 1994, and Dad since 1998. I know how much I love hearing from my sons, hearing them tell me what's going on with them. Their successes gives me pride and joy. I miss knowing there is someone who feels that same way about me. Who wants to hear from me in that same way. While it's imperfect, there's no love like a parent's love.

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  3. No one can replace your Mum. And yes there are often times when I wish mine was still here because there are just some things that no one can help with in the way a mum would. But she's still here in my head and I often ask myself what would Mum do? It helps.

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  4. I reckon your feelings are more common in your generation than people let on. I have another friend who is now the oldest generation in her family and has not only outlived her parents but her siblings and husband as well. She was always the one who nursed and looked after all the others but now she is desperately in need of some looking after herself. It makes perfect sense to be feeling the loss of one's mother and being mothered. Hugs xx

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